so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
