she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if only i could text you this smell
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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