alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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