she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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