i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have tasted many bathrooms
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
