am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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