the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
