Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
