she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
