hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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