Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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