And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
