thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
