I feel like I'm in dance class right now
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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