I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
