like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
