how can u be prego again
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
