I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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