I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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