my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
