Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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