Christians are straight up FREAKS
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
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we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
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I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize