So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
