I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
