Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
