I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
