Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
