i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
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i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
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Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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