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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.

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• (518): View more from New York

  True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.

  (1-518): View more from New York

  True? Did she teach you things?

  (518): View more from New York

  She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car

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• (512): View more from Texas

  She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.

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• (650): View more from California

  So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"

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• (845): View more from New York

  I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol

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