I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
