the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my being single is dangerous.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You took a bar mat shot.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
