The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
