Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize