..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
