No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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