yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
