The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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