I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
