i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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