I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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