You can't special order awesome
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
