Capitaan dildo arrescate!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
