New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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