Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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