guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
