Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
