I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
