you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
