Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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