ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
