Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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