Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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