You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
