all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
