Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
