Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
