i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Randomize
