My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
