I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
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I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My vagina is officially offended.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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