Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize