The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
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i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
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The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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