I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
