We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
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I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
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For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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