I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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