Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Soap is not a condiment
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
