I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
